Bidey-in.
In Scotland if you are – as my mother would have put it – living in sin with someone, then they are described as being your bidey-in. I really like this wee phrase as it describes the relationship perfectly and it is the same whether it is a man or a woman. They are the person that you stay in with, rather than just someone that you go out with.
I don’t like this modern thing nowadays where everyone is described as someone’s ‘partner’. I’ve even heard the ‘p’ word being used to describe wives and husbands, which I really can’t understand. I wouldn’t be at all chuffed to be described in that way, seeing that we went to the bother of actually getting married and paying £7.50 for the marriage licence.
We had a family meal out last night and our youngest son and his lovely ‘bidey-in’ managed to come through from Dundee for it, but I’ve got a horrible feeling that they describe themselves as partners on Facebook.
It would be great if everyone would adopt that lovely non-sexist term of bidey-in. It just sounds so homely to me.
I’m scunnered by partners. They should all have their bahoukies skelped, and become bidey-ins.
Bidey-in sounds so much less judgemental than living in sin and is somehow less coarse than shacked up. Plus it sums up the relationship perfectly.
Yes, I think bidey-in is one which should definitely be adopted by everyone, if only to save us from ‘partner’. It always sounds as though it should have a ‘howdy’ in front of it.
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But a partner isn’t necessarily a bidey-in – sometimes they both still have their own homes and flit atween the two. A bidey-in abides with the other.
Rona Moody,
You’re right, people nowadays call themselves partners when they would have just been described as boy-friend and girl-friend in the past, even if they were in their 80s. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Mum was of Irish and Cornish ancestry, not Scottish, but she used to say ” go to bideys” to tell us kids to go to bed.
Chookchook2,
I wonder if ‘bideys’ is a sort of amalgamation of ‘beddy-byes’ which is what we called going to bed when I was wee. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
As a fellow Scot myself I actually find the term bidey-in offensive. I always remember my gran using it to refer mistresses of married men or women who had looser morals. In my mind, a bidey-in is someone you cant/ wont be seen out and about in public with. I would be horrified if my fiance referred to me as such. I guess this may be one of those terms that mean different things depending on the region your from.
Nik,
I think way back in the dim distant past a lot of people might have found ‘bidey-in’ offensive but nowadays so many people are living together and having children out of wedlock, the morals have changed entirely. Note how it was always the women that your gran thought of as having loose morals!
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Significant other is worse imho.
Brian West,
I’m not too keen on that one either, but thankfully it doesn’t seem to be used much now, people are stuck on ‘partner’ even for couples who have been married for years.
I strongly dislike the term partner, for the one you care enough about to live with. I like being the bidey-in. It seems more intimate and comfortable than the very ambiguous and somehow distancing ‘partner’, and it shamelessly clarifies the relationship.
Caroline,
I so agree with you. Using the word partner is now embarrassing for people who are business partners and no more, they now have to say ‘business partner’ when previously it was assumed. Bidey in seems so cosy and comfy to me. Thanks for dropping by.
Katrina
In many parts of the country it’s “my bloke” and “my lass” even after marriage… I’ve heard “my lady”, “soulmate”… iInterestingly the word Mistress can mean anything from a kept woman to a Lady to a dominatrix and so is a very flexible term with uses ranging from “Mistress of all she surveys” to “I keep my mistress in a flat in Chelsea” Whereas saying “my Master” just sounds submissive. Gay couples are mostly using ‘partner’ and then ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ but that’s still quite triumphant in the sense that they can finally just come out with declaring a relationship after centuries of suppression and so it really doesn’t matter about the details when you can actually announce the bond in public without being jailed!
Malcolm,
I still like ‘bidey in’ for unmarried couples who are living together as it’s not gender specific. I remember in the original Doctor Finlay’s Casebook, the district nurse was called Mistress Niven, instead of Mrs Niven for some reason. I definitely couldn’t imagine her ever having been married though!
Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment.
Katrina
So I met a man when I was 19 and we became lovers and then lived together for a while, then lived apart and then moved in again. After having 3 children together we were no longer lovers but co-parents to our gorgeous children living in the same house. Then we fell in love again, were lovers and got married – nearly 30 years after first becoming lovers for the first time. Now we still live together, are legally married but are no longer lovers and have very separate lives whilst still living under the same roof loving our shared grandchildren. Bidey-in maybe covers all of it…unless we decide to finally bidey-out?
Annie,
Bidey-in definitely describes your situation at the moment. It sounds like you’ve had an interesting life – or exhausting! Mine has been much more steady – or mundane!
Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment.
Katrina